This post is not rocket surgery.. nor is it meant to offend anyone, although it might. It’s just me, sitting here, musing about annoyance.
Here are a few things that for me, produce eye-rolling and unmuttered phrases of disgust. Why unmuttered.. you ask? Because I really am too nice (or chicken) to say much of this out loud. So instead, I write.
1. Unrequited love for the New York Yankees: New York fans need to get over themselves. This is not the greatest sports team ever. They’re good, but not the best. Just because they’re from New York doesn’t mean anything. People call New York City the greatest city in the world, and that may be true. But the Yankee Fan Machine makes me crazy.
2. Gaga grandparents: Let’s be honest. Your grandchildren are no more precious than anyone else’s. They may be adorable, gifted, and have chubby cheeks that look like they’re storing nuts for the winter, but they’re no cuter or more desired, beautiful, special, divine, dazzling or talented (or any other adjective you put in there) than mine. They are yours, you love them, and that’s good enough. No need to whip out the professional photos of Dakota Cheyenne Isabella Madison Chloe Makayla in her first dance recital to prove your point. A simple cell phone shot will suffice.
3. Michael Bolton and Barry White: Bolton sounds like he’s either going to explode or summon neighborhood dogs on the high notes. His nasal rasp makes my eyeballs bleed. And White’s music tries so hard to be sexy that it’s just embarrassing. Especially when I’m grocery shopping and the muzak oozes “I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little More Baby.” His moaning makes eye contact with fellow shoppers humiliating, not to mention intimate. I think once I was accidentally engaged in the tomato sauce aisle during “Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe.”
4. Tepid water: Really? I’m paying for this meal and you offer me water at room temperature? If I ask for it (and I never will) that’s one thing. To assume I want it is another. Pour me an icy, bordering on too cold, tall one. Then refill the glass with ice water. I mean.. I want to hear the ice jangling around in the pitcher you bring to the table. If I want lukewarm I’ll buy bottled water off the shelf. Pass the ice, please.
5. Animal clothing: If you’re a circus animal, maybe. If you’re a domestic pet, you shouldn’t wear clothes. Although I’m somewhat amused by this, I’m told animals don’t like it and therefore people shouldn’t clothe them. I suppose my real contention here is with owners who dress their animals because they like to treat them like humans. I believe that animals are not human. I don’t know what they prefer.. I just know that most of the time they look silly in sweaters, dresses, or pant suits. Although I once knew a bassett hound who really rocked a striped hoody.